I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
