he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.