So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
