i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
smell my finger.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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