I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
