He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
