On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
