i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
