I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
