Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
