I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
