i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
