Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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