I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
