dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
do nipples grow back?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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