My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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