Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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