Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
