My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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