What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
