Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
