There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I looked at my own cervix.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
