dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
