So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
