so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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