Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
