If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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