She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
