you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
