Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
