He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
