since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
