hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
