i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
