You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
