I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
