I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
COCAINE IS GR8
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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