maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
