The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
