you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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