Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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