I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
