I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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