I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
