I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
