I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
