the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
