Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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