I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
