Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
