Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I intend to get homeless drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
