sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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