I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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