If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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