you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize