the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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