Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Text me some of your sweat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
