Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
