I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
