why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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